The idea behind metta (“kindness, friendship”) is that one can develop an attitude of greater kindness and openness toward others. This meditation is done with a series of visualizations which progressively train the mind to intend to be kinder to others. The goal is to see others with a warm, kind feeling. It is a sort of disinterested desire to see the other person happy. The goal is to see all people in this way.
Meditation as Training for Kindness
Sounds easy, right? “Just be kind to others.” Now think of the person who cut ahead of you in line at the store. Or, better yet, the last person who said a really cutting remark about you. Still easy?
Think of it as analogous to weight training: at first you start with a lower weight. Then as your muscles get stronger, you can add more weight. The same idea applies with how the mind works. If you practice an easy habit of thought until it becomes second nature, then it will be easier to work on harder habits of thought.
Getting Started With Metta Meditation
Pick a time and place for practicing metta meditation when you’ll have about twenty minutes of uninterrupted quiet. This could be in your bedroom in the morning or on the porch in the evening – wherever you feel comfortable and won’t be disturbed for that period of time. Sit quietly, relax, and collect your thoughts for a moment.
The first step is to think warm thoughts about yourself. Learn to love yourself, even those imperfections you’re not proud of. Everyone has them. And before you can be kind to others, you have to have the firm foundation of showing kindness to yourself.
Then begin thinking about someone you already feel loving toward. Ideally this should be a good friend or relative, someone you already feel inclined to be kind to, naturally, without reserve. It helps to think of it this way: you want to pick someone you want to see happy in life. Also, it’s better not to choose someone you feel attracted to, since the idea is to get a sense for the feeling of kindness without the disruption of other feelings.
Sit and think about that person and the feeling of kindness you have for that person. Think until you have a clear sense in your mind of what that feeling of disinterested kindness is. This will probably take several sessions or longer. Only you know when you have a clear awareness of what that kindness feels like.
Then think about someone you think well of but are not quite so close to. Extend that clear intention for their well-being to this person. The rest of the steps involve getting comfortable with extending this feeling to others. Again, do this until it’s easy to feel disinterested kindness toward the person you are thinking of.
Expanding Outward and Practicing Kindness to Others
After this, extend that feeling of kindness to someone you are neutral toward. When this is easy and comfortable, extend this desire for the well-being of others to someone you think poorly of, someone who is difficult to be around. That person who was so rude to you? It should be easier now to think well of them with a little practice.
Again, the idea is to keep practicing and expanding the sense of kindness outward. It may take some time until it seems natural to think of the well being of the more difficult people you’ve run across. But then, the premise of meditation is that you are practicing new mental skills. Think of how much easier it is to ride a bicycle it is now than when you had training wheels.
To complete the practice one should extend the intention of metta even to those one truly dislikes. If there is anyone who is not just difficult but has truly wronged one, then eventually, one should feel metta toward that person. This may come after long months or years of practice, however: it takes time and patience.
The Buddhist Context of Metta Meditation
Metta is considered a good meditation for both the lay and monastic practitioners of Buddhism because of the way it transforms thought and action. There are variations in the practice of metta among different Buddhist traditions. For example, some teach the meditator to visualize breathing in bad intentions, exhaling good. But they all recognize the benefits of developing an attitude of kindness to others. For a religion that believes in karma, the best way to unlearn the habits that lead to bad karma is to learn to intend good for others. After all, one is less likely to harm another if they wish them well. Buddhist texts extol the use of metta for developing mental clarity as well.
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